May 2010
1 post
December 2009
1 post
October 2009
2 posts
ADOLF HITLER!
never, ever exercised. which might also explain why he never, ever allowed anyone to see him naked or bathing.
no physical exertion + no nudity = no sex for poor, poor eva braun.
September 2009
30 posts
KIM JONG-IL!
in the 80s (and maybe still), kim jong-il used to have benches he had sat in sealed in glass and designated as monuments.
CHIANG KAI-SHEK!
on december 12th, 1936, chiang kai-shek, koumintang leader, enemy of toothpaste foe mao zedong and YEAH! another teetotaler, was cornered by his own men, who were disappointed in him for (among other things) authorizing the forceful dispersion of an anti-japan protest they had authorized. chiang was in his pajamas doing his morning exercises when rebels fired shots, triggering a short fight with...
HUGO CHAVEZ! is polled most popular leader amongst... →
he beat osama bin laden, but then again, no one really knows what’s up with that dude. and who knew the middle east had access to international media, anyways?
MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD!
doesn’t believe in the holocaust! and hitler is very insulted.
ADOLF HITLER!
hitler FINALLY married eva braun on april 29th, 1945. (although his motivations to marry her were probably mostly diverted by the fact that she was a daft, whiny, do-nothing nude sunbather, he also had to remain single in order to preserve the sexual magnetism deemed important to sustaining his power.) on april 30th, 1945, they committed suicide together in berlin’s fuhrerbunker. it is...
“The Pope? How many divisions has he got?”
– JOSEPH STALIN!
HEINRICH HIMMLER!
himmler, chief of german police, minister of the interior, and orchestrator of all things concentration camp, allocated money for archaeologists to search for the holy grail, which was assumed to be some sort of german pagan power symbol. he also engineered an exhaustive search for atlantis, for he believed ancient aryans, the definitive source of all higher culture, had originated in the elusive...
JOSEPH GOEBBELS!
had a club foot. lol.
RUDOLF HESS!
rodolf hess became hitler’s deputy fuhrer in 1935, when hitler assumed complete power over nazi germany. he also transcribed and edited mein kampf. however, on may 10th, 1941, the nazi invasion of the soviet union imminent, he independently commandeered a german zestorer (or “destroyer”) and flew to britain to strike a peace with the duke of hamilton (or, according to some...
the revelers also brush the statue's teeth with... →
“They offer gaudy plastic flowers and packets of the cigarettes that Mao chain-smoked. One cigarette is tucked between his pink-painted plaster fingers.”
MAO ZEDONG!
a doctor once advised mao to cut down on smoking. (perhaps this was the same dude who told him to start brushing his teeth? and maybe he should have used this bold sagacity in, say, 1958 when mao decided to call for unprecedented grain output in a communist system with little personal incentive?)
“smoking,” answered mao, “is also a form of deep-breathing exercise, don’t...
JOSEPH STALIN!
after dining with some higher-ups (although you couldn’t really get that high in soviet russia without, you know) and their families, stalin told them all that he had poisoned the soup. they all stopped eating, understandably very worried. the anecdote does not specify how long it took for him to tell them he was kidding.
on another non-dictatorial digression, richard nixon banned soup from...
“you are repetitious and dumb.”
– FERDINAND MARCOS!
-1987 press conference, in response to questions about secret swiss bank accounts
“every time I hear the word ‘culture,’ i reach for my pistol.”
– GOERRING? GOEBBELS? NO ONE ON THE INTERWEBS SEEMS TO KNOW!
FIDEL CASTRO!
castro’s first speech as leader of the republic of cuba lasted eight hours. something like a million people were watching. no one really interrupted.
BENITO MUSSOLINI!
mussolini’s drink of choice was a strawberry sherbet frappe. the wide dissemination of this preference suggests that the italian translation of this drink must have made it seem, at the time anyway, a little less like a cocktail to share with lance bass.
at the end of world war ii, the unfortunate giuseppe marscone was lynched by an anti-mussolini mob for ordering the drink, perhaps marking...
ADOLF HITLER!
hitler was a teetotaler. he didn’t drink at all. he was the only major leader in world war ii not to booze his way through it. winston churchill, for example, was a fucking sot. he was known to drink a glass of hock (german wine? how prudent.) with BREAKFAST. he also preferred to fly naked, and many diplomats found themselves meeting with a nude prime minister, drink in hand, in his jet....
MAO ZEDONG!
mao didn’t brush his teeth (or floss, probably?). he instead opted for rinsing with tea and then chewing the leaves. when critics (imagine the intrepidity necessary to confront the chairman on hygiene, of all things) confronted him, he would say “does a tiger brush his teeth?”
ADOLF HITLER!
hitler had impeccable handwriting.
